if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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