True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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