if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
