How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
