Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
