Cold hands, warm shart.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
