We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
