Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
