This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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