I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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