Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
