You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
