it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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