Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
