I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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