So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish life had little blips of pornography
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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