I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
