if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
