alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
