Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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