I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize