I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
