I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
too bad you live with your parents still
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
