I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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