I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I did not marry a roomba.
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