I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
