I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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