so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
