i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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