Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize