How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
