Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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