ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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