Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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