she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
