I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
