Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found the puke drawer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
