Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
