Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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