i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
