I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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