my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
