i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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