my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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