we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
