Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
