my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
