Don't make out with my wife yet
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
