watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
