What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
