Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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