There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
