Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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