why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
