woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
