Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
