i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
