I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
