cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
