I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
