Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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