saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
