Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to fling myself into the sun
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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