So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
