Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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