Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
